“There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You would think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists but... more often than not, the opposite is true. You see the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists... well, without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.” — Modern Family
And I fall into the dreamer category. I’ve never felt that anything in this world is impossible. Even the word itself spells “I’m possible”. I believe that opportunities in life come in abundance and coming after everything I feel I deserve is one of my top priorities. If I don’t believe in myself and my dreams, then who will? There is no such thing as “doing too much” or being “selfish” just because I choose to create the best life for myself. I believe I can have everything I want with who I want when I want it. Even if some things take a bit longer to acquire, I know I will still have it nothing less. Sure, there will have to be sacrifices. I understand that. But sacrificing doesn’t mean that I can’t get it again.
Lucrative career? I can have that. Active social life? I can have that. Healthy relationship? I can have that. Nice place to lay my head? I can have that, too. My motto for my life is simple.
I can and I will do anything that I want to do. Period. No ifs, ands or buts about it. The 2018 BMW X7 over there? I can have that. A downtown condo newly built in the heart of Nashville, TN? I can have one of those, too.
I feel like I can have it all. I deserve it.
Nowadays, having it all typically means flourishing in a thriving career with a pretty active social life, a healthy marriage or relationship, maybe a kid or two. But that doesn't mean those are the only things that qualifies as "having it all". For instance, my having it all means being in a healthy consistent relationship, traveling all over the world and writing as many books as I can, whereas someone else's could be something as simple as having a successful paying job and a strong spiritual connection with a higher being. All of our "having it all"s differ by person and just because they are different, doesn't mean that we are lacking in our own lives.
In honor of Women's History month, let's take a look at a few of my favorite women in the entertainment industry who inspire me to go out there and get it!
- Beyonce Knowles-Carter: I can’t even talk about having it all without mentioning one of the most famous women we know. To the world, Mrs. Carter is the perfect example of a woman that has it all. Successful music career that does not appear to be stopping any time soon, despite “dem babies” on the way, a lasting marriage, an active social life with sister Solange bestie Kelly, great relationship with her mother, Tina, an array of endorsements, and time with daughter Blue Ivy. She’s beautiful, talented, independent and wealthy, all while married with kids. To me, she is the poster child for “having it all”. If Beyonce can do this 24/7, 365 days a year, with 366 in a leap year, then I know for a fact I can do the same!
She quotes in a past GQ article “"I worked so hard during my childhood to meet this goal: By the time I was 30 years old, I could do what I want," she says. "I’ve reached that. I feel very fortunate to be in that position. But I’ve sacrificed a lot of things, and I’ve worked harder than probably anyone I know, at least in the music industry. So I just have to remind myself that I deserve it."
- Chrissy Teigen-Stevens also appears to have it all with her career, marriage to singer, John Legend with whom she shares a beautiful daughter, Luna. When she isn’t being a fabulous supermodel mom & wife, we could probably find her somewhere traveling the world, cooking up some amazing dishes and speaking that real on Twitter. Known for her honesty, in a recent interview with ET Weekly, Chrissy even went as far to be transparent about the appearance of having it all together in which she revealed that the reason why she is able to balance motherhood, a career and her marriage is because of much needed help. She lets me know that “having it all” can be difficult, but with a supportive team helping along the way, it is still possible.
She quotes "I have my mother who lives with us, I have John, I have a nanny. I’m very outspoken about it, and when I see that I still have a difficult time, I just don’t know how anyone does it. We’re very lucky to be able to have date nights. Not a lot of people can go on date nights, can have a sitter and have someone take care of their baby," she said. "'Me time' is important, but not everybody can do it."
- Jada Pinkett-Smith has been showing us that we can have it all ever since she began her acting career in the early 90’s. A beautiful & talented actress that later married one of our favorite men, Will Smith in 1997 to whom she is still married to today. After embracing Will’s son, Tre, from a previous marriage, the couple eventually had their own, Jaden & Willow. Even through career highs, parenthood, speculation of an open marriage, Jada still remains to have it all together despite what society may think. She shared her thoughts on this to a Harvard audience back in 2005 in which she said:
Women, you can have it all — a loving man, devoted husband, loving children, a fabulous career. They say you got to choose. Nah, nah, nah, we are a new generation of women. We got to set a new standard of rules around here. You can do whatever it is you want. All you have to do is want it. Don’t let anybody define who you are. Don’t let them put you in a box. Don’t be afraid to break whatever feeling anybody has put on you.”
Who says you have to settle?
- Teyana Taylor-Shumpert: Singer, dancer, actress, mom, wife. Is there anything that this woman can’t do? Personally, I have always loved her spirit and her drive. Teyana and I are the same age, which really motivates me to keep pushing. In an interview with PAPER magazine, she summed up what “having it all” means perfectly:
“You can be superwoman. You can have it all, that balance in your relationship, your family and your career. It’s the opposite of the cliché that says kids will slow you or your career down.”
It's amazing to believe that we as women have a choice in choosing and defining what “having it all” means for us. The possibilities seem endless right? We just looked at some incredible women who live their lives in the spotlight and give a firsthand look into what “having it all” appears to be. But just like those women believe that we can, there are also some women who believe that we just can’t and they are perfectly fine with knowing it. Looking at the topic from different perspectives helps keep me focused. Everything that I have learned have come from those who agreed with me and those who did not agree. But those who did not share similar thoughts with me were still able to teach me something.
- Gabrielle Union – Wade: Hit BET TV Series, Being Mary Jane and an array of classic Black films, Gabrielle is a perfect example of a career driven woman. Although she is currently married to basketball star, Dewayne Wade and is the step-mom of three handsome sons, the couple have yet to have their own child. However, that does not mean she “doesn’t” have it all. In fact, she believes that there’s no possible way to have it all. With a recent interview with Essence magazine, Gabby quotes:
“When we look at our friends, they do all that as well and then they might add a kid or a husband to that and it’s like, how the hell are you doing it all? I’m convinced the idea of having it all is a myth. You can have a lot and be happy in some areas of your life, but for everything to be working on full cylinders and to be 100 percent, I’ve given up on that. I make the attempt to string together some perfect moments and just let myself off the hook that I’m not going to hit it out of the park every day. In Being Mary Jane you see her trying to have it all and failing, whether it be with her friends, her romantic relationships, at her job or with her family. When one thing is going well, one thing is springing a leak.”
- Tamera Mowry-Housley: One of the twins from our favorite sister duo, Tia & Tamera, actress, producer, mother, wife, host and entrepreneur, Tamera has definitely made quite the name for herself since appearing in hit shows like Sister, Sister. Even though she appears to have it all, she is definitely here to let us know otherwise:
“I think women can have it all, but we have to make sacrifices along the way,” said Tamera, whom welcomed her first child, son Aden, in November 2012. She added: “I don’t think you can have it all without making sacrifices. If you want to be a mom, wife, and businesswoman, you have to accept that you’re not going to be able to be there all the time with your son. What you can do is really make time on the weekend. There is always going to be that push for balance. Yes, you can have it all, but you’re always going to feel like you have to work on things. You’re never going to have it all in the sense that it is never going to be perfect.”
There you have it, Queens! Whether you “have it all” or you’re going with the flow, simply winging it like eyeliner, or currently striving for better, your “have it all” is simply what you make it out to be. You may not have the thriving career, but you could have the loving and lasting marriage with the joy of parenthood. You may not have any kids but you may find peace with wanderlust and an awesome sense of self. Don’t allow society to define your version of having it all. Your life is what you make it. And whether you know it or not, you probably have it all without even recognizing it!
EM Woodz Aka The Dream Big Pretty is A Nashville, TN native, Em is a twenty something year old millennial writer. When she isn’t penning a new book, she can usually be found stalking Pinterest for the latest trends, planning new vacations or enriching the lives of others with motivation. Feel free to follow her journey on Instagram: @thatFANCYwriter| Facebook: Em Woodz | Wattpad: thatFANCYwriterEM